FOR HER

nothing's ever the same now that you're gone. i suspect the world isn't even round anymore
u took off. unplugged me n sent me into orbit
how could you?
so i did wad i was best at.as if we were never very close.as if u were jux an ad in e magazines
truth is you're so much more.
tt's y i get to b selfish.
cos ur so much more to me den i ever could b to u.
oh well

Baby when you're gone
I realize I'm in love
The days go on and on
And the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong - baby when you're gone

oh well
i still miss u.
tho i say i hate u
tho its been only months
cant bear to look at u anymore.
how could sth so wrong feel so rite?
i jux had to cut u off. like an ingrown nail
i jux wanna sit down n tell u everythin.everythin
so many words unuttered
pangs of missing you .everynight in my bed. i see hippo

FOR HIM

*wai HIN*

wai hin wai hin wai hin miss u so much u little bastard!!! i noe i sposed to write letter to u but lazy la so guess dis will do. so hows ur angmo gf? bet ur like damn popular dere haha asian hunk wif slit eyes [n shit character]! but seriously when u comin back to s'pore? we miss u so much! e other day i was @ orchard wif marktan den suddenly i was like "argh where is waihin!!!" den mark tan also went "yah where is waihin!!!" its like so empty now!!! cos last time we can make u come down whether or not u wanted to. but now...we got no xcuse to even step into ardmore park u litttle prickshit all ur fault!!! haha still remember e 2 angmo gal u dere me to tok to!!! but anyway seriously miss e time when i can jux go ur house n slack when i'm in orchard. n piss u off @ e same time. hah den can sleep over nite summore den u keep sayin i wanna gao happy wif u little fucker!!! n like e other day i went vj choir concert wif e others [nette yanzhang marktan camy cedric blahblah] den we were goin for supper when we suddenly felt like oh shit somebody's missin. n u noe who it is? it's u damn bitch!!! argh damn sad. hah so niwae got keep in touch wif lien? i jux wrote letter to her. damn u all 2 freaky lovebirds in like 2 ends of e world. i'm tempted to gif u some rubbish advice like drink lotsa water n get ur fibre. but now i only haf one ting to tell u. PRACTICE SAFE SEX!!!!

games, changes and fears
when will they go from here
when will they stop
i believe that fate
has brought us here
and we should be together
but we're not

i play it off but i'm dreamin' of you
i keep my cool but i'm fiedin'
i try to say goodbye and i choke
try to walk away but i stumble
though i try to hide it it's clear my world crumbles when you are not here

hah damn shit dis song freaking gay. but reminds me of wad we could b if i told u....haha.kiddin.seriously.
niwae dun die man! still remember the 1/turd joke!

are you there god? it's me

seven days of madness
seven days of rife
seven days of anticipation
insatiable apprehension
could you tell me why
could you tell me how
could you give something to anchor us down?

and e postings came out
victor called me
damn shit.
so i called baba
damn shit.
and so lalala it was monday again. n jux lookin @ my class i wanted to like go home immediately. took blu slip.so did like half e entire school.
saddest day in a01d history wif a grand total of...FOUR depressed kids and a depressed teacher.[its contagious]

dose fuckin 2nd intakers!seems like e fucked up hwachong screwed up its lowtech comp sys n displaced lotsa ppl blahblah.
damn shit

o2 was a flop.as usual. but i guess the rest of o2 team had fun! hung ard for a meetin. decided tt second day of o2 would b happy free n easy
later hung out in council room.its damn delicious! keat "kitty" loon bcame my guitar master. tot me e g-chord n e-minor-chord.
after tt managed to eat at tenderbest [after so long!] n they started some nonsense abt kf and kitty.hah but quite funny la.

o2 wednesday was better cos didnt haf to do anything.want to look for class and end up havin 4 fuckin newcomers!
sum kimchi gal n scgs bitch which we all hated.
miss baba[smartest bimbo ard] n sumaya [yaya] n jan["u only bought pencil ruler n highlighter?so cool"] !!!

headed to hollandv n it was pourin! victor came up wif e theory tt walkin up e PINK house hill can train quads.
crossin overheadbridge bside coffee club when lightning struck RITE IN FRONT of shafiq victor n azi.
victor ran down e bridge screamin n he looked like a retarded mutt cos he button his top button wif his hair flat down.
scared a poor ol lady.

went home n started gettin smses abt closin down sch. damn happy
den started gettin smses abt shorter jun hols. dammit
den started gettin smses abt mass quarantine for under eighteens. wtf!?

but hell. time to party. miss andrew by e bucketloads. weikwang. jongathan. cheryl. jat.chrystle.timtay

frm e orientation video showed durin o2
we will find our shining star
if we hold on to our dreams
embrace each day with love and grace
experience life in your own special way
'cause you are made for greater things than this

The Pledge of Resistance

We believe that as citizens
of the world it is our
responsibility to resist the injustices
done by governments
in our names.

Not in our name
will they wage endless war.
There can be no more deaths,
no more transfusions
of blood for oil.

Not in our name
will they invade countries,
bomb civilians, kill more children,
letting history take its course
over the graves of the nameless.

Not in our name
will they erode the very freedoms
they have claimed to fight for.

Not by our hands
will we supply weapons and funding
for the annihilation of families.

Not by our mouths
will we let fear silence us.

Not by our hearts
will we allow whole peoples
or countries to be deemed evil.

Not by our will
and Not in our name.

We pledge resistance.

We pledge alliance with those
who have come under attack
for voicing opposition to war.

We pledge to make common cause
with the people of the world
to bring about justice,
freedom and peace.

Another world is possible
and we pledge to make it real.

[NO WAR]

in btw havin to pore thru e indecipherable measure4measure : in btw huddlin under chengyan's blanket cos his a/c's too cold WHILE eatin a tub of b&j cookie dough : in btw waitin for allo allo : i've decided to cum abloggin

>>>feel qbad for not turnin up @ e party rite now. but i doubt e party would stop even if >>>bush attacked sheila's house too

>>>>O2 ppl throw ur hands up! tink its totally gonna b totally fun (@ least for us). cant >>>>wait for record breakin again!(heh) wk's a really gd toridas! ooh n i still dun get >>>>wk's facial n sperm joke

>>>>>vpissed cos i've fallen asleep twice in a row durin smallville. >>>>>SMALLVILLE!.lana.clark.nice colours

>>>>>>chengyan has a totally cool trick where u hang ur head off e bed n den stand up >>>>>>suddenly. ooh stars!

>>>>>>>n so i guess e war has broken out. to hell w/ bush n saddam. its really e first >>>>>>>time war happens in my lifetime(apart frm gulf, cold n against terorisme). so >>>>>>>any way gonna organise charity drive for iraqis after O2 (unless bush decides tt >>>>>>>greenland's e one w/ massive destructive wepons). but oh shit. runnin on >>>>>>>negatif budget dis mth.nvm can dig into parents reserve

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The Byrds flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul out on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the Sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation Lost in Space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
'Cause fire is the Devil's only friend
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrifical rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

They were singing bye bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die

don mclean's american pie

*in grown nails*

like i figured, bloggin seems to haf lost any semblance of charm to me. somehow feels vnarcissistic. but oh well
got drawn in dis time cos of a certain dalglish
dalglish blog entries really affect me. raw emotions. i like. or maybe they're crafted to look raw. but nvm
sumtimes i smirk at dalglish cos he seems so clueless.
but yet dalglish seems to haf dis membranish flimsy thingy tt holds evrythin together for dalglish's mind. which i cant do for nuts, so guess dalglish's a master in ways
niwae shan't pretend to understand dis enigma
i hope i dun ever noe dalglish. cos den the mysterynity would be less.
BUT back to bloggin. its like in grown toenails. u cant help but look at one. yet too lazy to do sth abt it.
n today, i write my blog and cut my in grown toenails. hah!
e past wk seemed only like n empty changin of dates w/o e passin of time
jux vague recollections of frettin abt e population in pimpleland
gp tan being really slimy wif me.[its funny how class likes to jump to my defence while i'm like oh well nvm UR e one lookin bad]
n goin on a hastily put together diet cos of havin eaten like two megabuffets in two weekends. y do i bother 2 torture myself?
e 1st weekend of e hols was really bad.
sat nite was freaky concert date nite.where i kept leakin frm my pits while my palms were freezin. o n it was a bad hair nite.
sunday was even worse. havin to drag myself to a mindbogglingly borin zaerox thing. y do i bother to torture myself?
it went downer on monday jux when i tot it couldn't
trainin was shit cos e sun was being plain oppressive/abusive.
i had to travel from one end of e islnd to another three times
decided to show face @ a mindnumbin pseudo class thing which bored my hair flat
urgh.
but e rest of march seems promisin.
wed will b really fun cos trainin's in e mornin n i get to go for sum O2 thingy
thursday seems to b "pretend to be girl day" cos am goin shoppin n facial.
friday get to volunteer in orchard road (!)[its funny how ALL my volunteer ppl ask me to go orchard to help out. new dimension to havin fun on e job]
sat is party day! n e bez part is evryone's sober! not sum crappy party wif cloudy minds
ooh y muz wait so long?

Go, and catch a falling star,
though it may seem too far.
And if you're lucky you might find,
all the things you'd left behind.
While distant it seems,
the things so dear,
In truth,
they were always very near.

happy birthday ellery
happy birthday jame

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is

from a letter written 191002 0012
dear sky,
i'm crying.i dunno why.it's juz so freaky.like my entire world collapsed on me.i juz feel so painful all of a sudden.is it because i'm gonna spend my birthday studying or is it because i'm gonna spend my birthdy alone.is it because noonerememberesexceptellery.is it because ellery can't crash at my house.is it cos i can't get weiyang's no?god.if only i knew.it seems i spend half my time planning wad i want and e other half praying to get wad i want.and everything screws out and i'm stuck telling myself that i din actually want it.i juz dunno anything.so this is teenage.you're really screwed.and i juz went someone to hug me and listen to everything.everything.god.why do i have to be alone.i think i'll get over this.but until then i'm lost.i'm not happy.i was juz this morning.i wish nothing would happen.everyone juz sitting down breathing but No.Help me please.
Happy Birthday to me.

helplessness

ooh i could spend my entire time moanin abt how my new world is collapsin when i barely got to noe it
ah hah. but im too smart 4 tt u c
y bother?
when tinkin abt it does nothin but add 2 e population of pimpleland
when whinin abt anything else would b like a headless mouse runnin ard screamin
who moved my cheezels?
nooo.
i haf an image 2 maintain u see
sudden motivation from minli when she said sumthin like "ivan can b a killer"
n sumaya when she said tt her first impression of me was hah better den average
its tru. i shall b a killer now.
u noe how guys try 2 b kool? just make hair nice nice n sit @ a table hoping tt u wun sweat till ur gel dissolv
so i guess i can do it.
esp when i dun use gel

Can you become
Can you become
A new version of you

New wallpaper
New shoe leather
A new way home
I don't remember

New version of you
I need a new version of me

7 - 6 = so much more

oh well.
is it finally gone at last? this letter i've come to hate so much
'O'
months of tummy butterflies months of wanting to die months of pimples and unshat shit
its funny it seems like the world now yet end the end of next year its
a whole new world
months of tummy butterflies months of wanting to die months of pimples and unshat shit
its all gonna come back too soon
funny how i forgot everything already when i could remember everything by the page
and those sick dreams in dec hols where i dreamt that i had geog paper 2 the next day n always woke up cryin
i did learn new things tho
that i relied on my frens in ways i never thought possible
just 2 months n i couldnt imagine
sch w/o adil
sch w/o renji
sch w/o terence
its jux 2 unnatural
n hl! if she doesnt stay sch would b like having roads that were purple
its jux 2 unnatural
hmpf.wad will i do when its
'A' ?

perempuan datang atas nama cinta,
bunda pergi karena cinta digenangi air racun.
jingga dalam wajahku,
seperti bulan tidur dalam hatimu,
berdinding kelam kedinginan.
ada apa dengannya?
tinggalkan hati untuk dicaci,
lalu aku lihat kadar surga,
dari mata seorang hawa.
ada apa dengan cinta?
aku akan kembali dalam satu purnama.
bukan untuknya,
bukan untuk siapa,
tapi untukku,
karena aku ingin kamu itu saja.