if i led you to sin, would anyone praise my leadership qualities?

everyday i pass you by
in the faceless cacophony.
in your eyes a silent betrayal
of a heart in boundless irony.

i ask the trees around me,
i ask anybody who'll listen,
may i love this gentle angel?
may i plunge into the sea of sin?

for you

decided to drop out of ndp03, had enough of reading about quizilla
so i decided to be a quiz junkie this morning
heh. i dont know what i think about them
just the thought of a computer pretending to know me...bah

You are orange. You are emotional. Outside, you are bitter and stubborn, inside you are hopeful, hoping someone will come save you from the bitterness of your own mind. You constantly feel the need to prove yourself, and you look up to those who can make thier dreams happen. You are broken, but not beyond repair like maroon.

What inner color are you?

You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a
sense for the different and challenging, Walt
Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme
is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick
to write something that the rest of the world
doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate
yourself from the average joe. An author with a
true sense of self, you have confidence in your
abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO
YOU!


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla


Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your Heart is Purple


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

i must admit i am weak

its not that i dont feel ashamed at crawling back to the comfort of bluepants after just one day of water-fire-curry proof textiles
neither am i proud that my blog is still business as usual after i publicly lamented the need to kill it
i could bare all my worms and zits right here, right now
BUT [you see! i cant even stop buting!] being the sponge-for-determination kind of person
i shudder at the thought of people pointing fingers saying "look, he's decaying from the core"
like they always do on television.

so there, i am trying after all. you may stop sniggering now

read sheila's photo album
my last photo in blue pants

music running in my head today : tina arena : burn

- rain from heaven -
i will not be the ungrateful bitch i am
my blog's a happier place than yours cheila

one. god. who loves me.and owns me.and throws happiness at me by the cartloads
two. love. i've drowned in it.honey while it lasts
three. hugs. big hugs.hidden ones in school.the arms of another soul.refuge
four. music. tonic for the consciousness.dreams that don't suck you in
five. poetry. blithe.comforting fluffy clouds that cushion you from within
six. the sea. big and blue.sailing.boardsailing.kayaking.wakeboarding.exhilaration of facing myself
seven. volleyball. i can dig set spike receive.lingering ghosts of a forgotten past
eight. pulau ubin. puaka.cycling.noordin beach
nine. xavier. for the climbing.for the abseiling.for the love of nature
ten. indonesia. binjai.batu lima.holding on to the things we hold so dear
eleven. swans. in botanical gardens.in the sovereign.beauty epitomized
twelve. films. chinese.french.iranian.german.indonesian.musicals.bollywood.thai.swallow me whole!
thirteen. books. neilgaiman. godofsmallthings. lordoftheflies. ahomeattheendoftheworld. davideddings. deadmanwalking. monologues. rulesofattraction. ofhumanbondage.
roalddahl
fourteen. chocolates. always there for you.
fifteen. cookies. see above
sixteen. icecream. see above
seventeen. caramel. see above
eighteen. chocolate chip cookies mashed into caramel & praline icecream. heaven
nineteen. math. the quintessential guilty pleasure
twenty. teachers. so much more
twentyone. gorgeous people. chicken soup for the shallow soul
twentytwo. cycling. chasing death
twentythree. friends. my cynosure
twentyfour. tv. watching other confused people
twentyfive. the big book cafe. what can i say?come away with me
twentysix. my nokia. human connectivity
twentyseven. bad jokes. ouch
twentyeight. youth. like the sands through an hourglass,so are the days of our lives
twentynine. blogs. windows of sanity.dot.dalglish.julienne
thirty. saint andrew's community hospital. school for the overschooled
thirtyone. the substation. shophouse vs. multimilliongreenhouse.passion vs commercialism
thirtytwo. colours. my heart.my world.my solevival
thirtythree. happy places. fisherman'svillage.changiv.europaseasportsclub.nationallibrary.onefullerton
thirtyfour. banquet. halalfoodcourt.where my wildest dreams realize.pass the charsiew!

and all the little things in life.
like the empty seat on the bus the train that comes on time the easy question the friendly stranger and finding the forgotten song

don mclean's vincent

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

starry, starry night
portraits hung in empty halls
frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
and how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will

i need to take art.i will not haf grand illusions of takin art.god help me

tt fateful econs tutorial when i knew
wad wasnt
wad could b
for me
a "life-changin second"?
i'm a narrowminded shortsighted fool

in the middle

may i bitch? i will anyhow.
its e world again
its always e world isn't it?
wad bone will i pick w e world at dis instant [diction is crucial.i will endeavour to broaden my lexicon] ?
will it b abt how its so FUCKIN SCREWED UP ?
yes of cos. bcos it jux is.
why why why
isnt dere ever anythin definite? [god.god's definite.BUT i need tangible anchors]
dis whole gamut [ahah!] of colours n all e shades of maroon in btw.
e v e r y t h i n g ' s rite splat in e middle
it could b rite wrong black white
but noooo
dere's a but lurkin in e shadows.
could i b wrong to say its e bane of our lives?
i could go on n on
BUT hist tutorials beckon.
when i meet sum1 who's had enuf wif buts,i shall fall in luv

i shall take art. i shall drop econs. no more buts.

sum 41 : in too deep : song of e times

- he jumped -

my mum was watching nkf show n i happened to drop by
was aghast @ how e show had to show e weepy shorts of kidney patients
it was wringin everyone of emotions
yeah its abt money n evrythin
but e end din justify e means @ all
it's like pickin ur scab to make ur frens sympathise w how deep ur wound is
we shouldnt hafta b accosted liddat to help ppl in pain
rite?

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

was switchin channels n settled for artnation

keegankang: i luv buyin popcorn @ e movies
beatricechia: sweet or salty?
k: sweet.
b: jux like dere r ppl in e world who watch arthouse films n dere r dose who watch blockbusters
k: n dose who drink pepsi n dose who drink coke. me i'm confused

n den it dawned on me.
i buy sweet n salty cham-cham. i watch arthouse n blockbusters. i drink neither coke nor pepsi
i'm confused

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

so dropped by my mum again
n i saw MAYDAY !!!!
rewound me all e way back to sec4
all e days spent in ur room
all e nites spent gigglin in e cold cold cold a/c
wakin up at ungodly hours to sneak outta ur home n back to mine
writin big warm words on my desk
watchin sinful movies on tt soft soft couch
midnite walks in e city
smses at 3 in e mornin
memories beaten n packed in a dusty corner

i smsed nkf twice after tt

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

backtrack a few hours to e ndp03 briefin @ pa
spendin time wif poor excuses for malay teenagers
listenin to sya wax lyrical abt france
made me conjure up

IVAN'S TOP 3 MIGRATION DESTINATIONS
1 - goa: beautiful beautiful tub for e dirty soul. almost "mahomet's paradise" on earth
2 - south island: beaches to.die.for.can imagine myself old n cancerous watchin e sea n dyin jux when 2 dolphins decide to cum up for a jump.peace
3 - ol ol paree: boulevards.wide avenues.alfresco cafes.strollin ard as if death was expectin u at e next corner

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

song of dis day . another one bites e dust. queen

fuck!
jux wrote a whole list of "happy stuffs[sic]" for dawn but it fuckin plays disappear wif me!!!!
I HATE TECHNOLOGY
now i'm not happy anymore

A R G H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H!
my happiness'es banished into e dark chasms of techonology!!!!!
n i dun haf a girly ass!!! its jux a little too . . . pert

headache.

all i remember is
"met baba today after friday prayers
met agnes on e train
met serene n tracy at capitol
met xavier at campers' corner
met cheryl at citylink

thank god for coincidences"

dare i?

for a while i told myself tt
i should i would i could i must
stop dis dirty habit
"bloggin is SO last century", i said
which i have to concede, is, to appease my oft contradictory self
or i could plead temporary insanity?

for a while i told myself tt
i should i would i could i must
kill dis blog
snatch it frm the womb
be e hand that rocks e cradle [felt wretched after watchin]
be the kinda guy who pushes
when the door screams in bright underlined bold red caps "PULL"

for a while i told myself tt
i should i would i could i must
move into my class blog
in e name of society

dare i?
since i dun haf 2 separate thoughts for 2 separate blogs
n i'd like to tink myself too original to duplicate entries

dis matter reeks of a popiah folded by an overzealous first timer

-jux wondering-

why oh why cant dis ting haf chinese words?
wanted to post e lyrics of leslie cheung's -zhui-. its a nice song. e soundtrack of she's a man he's a woman or sth. ah e sweet smell of crushed talent
i hate technology

dylan thomas : and death shall have no dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Through they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

summer holiday : cliff richard
We're all goin' on a summer holiday.
No more workin' for a week or two.
Fun and laughter on our summer holiday.
No more worries for me or you,
For a week or two.

We're goin' where the sun shines brightly.
We're goin' where the sea is blue.
We've seen it in the movies.
Now let's see if it's true.

Everybody has a summer holiday.
Doin' things they always wanted to.
So we're goin' on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true,
For me and you.

ladida. general feelin for e past week is hazy. as in foggy. as in cloudy. as in vague. as in fuzzy. as in i dunno wad.
sumhow feels like e godfathers decided to press pause on our lives while they titter tatter ard tryin to clean up. n grab a bite or two. i dunno
its funny[bein a lit student shld i b usin stuff like paradoxical ironic juxtaposition? of cos i dunno wad any of em mean]. i always say i hate sch i hate e west i hate travelling but now tt deres no sch it feels like im hangin in limbo even tho i've been runnin ard e entire week. its an antagonistic[ooh five syllables] affair
it has to b cos i had been warmin up n stretchin for e mundane hooha of sch life. in e words of michael cunningham - a cancelled ticket
y dun i ever learn my lesson? dun ever xpect anythin tts outta ur control. murphy's rite. if it can, it will go wrong
oh well

[oh n gotta go for humanscholarship interview.i dun wanna!!!]
but if they gif it to me i can buy lotsa stuff. hmmm.