Sunday, August 13, 2006

anti-hero

karen's back, and so is rachel, and so is poon. seeing them this time, it's a lot easier to be honest with them. back then, it had a lot to do with being muddled, a lot to do with being scared. perhaps it's because we've both grown, thats why it's easier to tell it like it is. i think it's more likely because they're gonna fly back anyhow, so it doesnt really matter if things turn weird.

it'd be nice to think otherwise, but i havent grown that much, i havent reached that point. one day i will arrive at a place where there'd be no second-guessing and tongue-twisting and syntax inversion. it wouldnt matter if the person was gonna fly the next day or be around for life. until then, it'll take about a right pitch to get things rolling, to find the nerve between the heart and the tongue.

in a week's time, i'll be back in bangkok to face kha wie, to whom i've promised many things. it feels like it'll be different this time, the obvious notwithstanding. whats old is, i dont know how to say, as poon can, that there isnt really a difference in being divided by a Channel, or a Pond. instinctively, it's worlds apart. counter-intutitively, there isnt really much difference, it's physical distance measured by yearning, not miles. and how to say im still in love with my ex, and my ex from before that, and my ex from even earlier?

oh, i thought the world of you
i thought nothing could go wrong
but I was wrong, i was wrong
if you, if you could get by
trying not to lie
things wouldnt be so confused
nd I wouldnt feel so used
but you always really knew
i just wanna be with you

and i’m in so deep
you know i’m such a fool for you
you got me wrapped around your finger
do you have to let it linger?
do you have to let it linger?

Labels: , ,