maybe yes, but still, no

"maybe yes, but still, no" is the only answer i could muster after, after. after what i do not know. there is so much i could and would say but i cower from the deed --- the very thought of it fills my heart with sulphur and makes my head thump and stomach churn. probably the only thing that is stopping me from doubling over and puking the life out of myself, both literally and figuratively, is the person who lies sleeping behind me now. but even that is fading fast, and i do not know how long i can keep this - anything, everything - up. i want to be at the last time now, only less messy. and no responsibility.

they spun a web for me

this is the last time

the needle tears a hole/ the old familiar sting/ try to kill it all away/ but i remember everything/ what have i become/ my sweetest friend/ everyone i know/ goes away in the end/ and you could have it all/ my empire of dirt/ i will let you down/ i will make you hurt/ i wear this crown of thorns/ upon my liar's chair/ full of broken thoughts/ i cannot repair/ beneath the stains of time/ the feelings disappear/ you are someone else/ i am still right here/ if i could start again/ a million miles away/ i will keep myself/ i would find a way.

hurt :: johnny cash