"this" is a song "of" great "psychological depth"

an almost happy teachers' day, if i had went to school. but yeah a homey final teachers' day was good enough for me. the friends finale is next monday at my room with the usual suspects. im not sure whether i dread the finale or look forward to the usual suspects more. aiyaa-aiyaa. lecture games are probably the best thing that got invented too late. with one more school day and one more lecture left, we must play The Metaphor Game, The Link-a-Word Game, The Run-the-Alphabet Game, The Pensive Answer Game, The Finish the Picture Game, The Guess the Category of Names Game, The Wrong Accent Game and The Draw That Phrase Game. aiyaa-aiyaa. moved out of school on thursday with a giant box of stuff from my locker, council room cubby-hole and the art room drawer. even then, when i go to school from now, i return to more than empty spaces, because these spaces are now defined by what was once there - very real memories. aiyaa-aiyaa.

Take, o take those lips away
that so sweetly were forsworn,
And those eyes, the break of day
lights that do mislead the morn:
But my kisses bring again,
bring again;
Seals of love, but sealed in vain,
sealed in vain.
IV i, Measure for Measure

terangkanlah

everything seemed to find definition that spring - a congruence, a miraculous matching of hope and past and present and possibility. striding across the fresh, green land. the rhythms of perception heightened. the whole enterprise of consciousness accelerated. we were gods that morning.
hugh, translations by brian friel

nothing scares me now more than the the next month. i see myself in the next month, sitting, by a table. around me school falls away, far beneath my feet - i am sitting on nothing, just my table and me, and you are somewhere else. too quickly; everything is speeding away, plunging, and my hair stands on end. this is like that poem, forgot which. everything is falling, skins being cast off, the time is running. and in the poem you are the constant, only i cannot bear to keep you from growing, from running, from casting off old skins. so here i am torn between strength and reliance, the same, unable to choose as usual. and it terrifies me, if it happens again - weary strength and wary of reliance. and all the while, as i am vacillating at the crossroads, everything is speeding past me.

sound - further seems forever

red would mean you loved me
and blue would mean you cared
but black's my heart when left alone
to cold and killing stares
this is the burning of a dream
the sound now turns to silence
but i'll keep spinning around
naked in the rain of my own tears

sometimes i just want to pretend to be emo

feels like I'm waiting in the last hiding place on earth

to 4A's and infinity and then beyond

accomplishment on a sunday sets your wheel rolling for the week ahead so you never really have to stop, except to shit. infinity and beyond is facing the prospect of having to leave so many things behind - too many things in fact. for the first time next year in 12 years, i wont have an exam birthday so i actually have to start thinking about what i want to do on birthdays. for one last year, i'll just spend my birthday with my papers and an extra year. next year i'll miss the mind-numbing comfort of school uniforms [oh wait, say An-Us] and eastpak schoolbags.

i used to think i'd get over everything/ but everything just got over me

southeast asian history: colonialism

she's/he's

plucked from the sky like diamonds,
plucked from the sky like spring's new leaves.
whether it's god's will or my wish,
it happened. thank god you were
plucked from the sky like dragonflies,
almost an angel.

mox goimg from st pat

shouldnt have left home today because now all i want to do is play. oh what i'd do to hold a racket or ball in my hand. or just to run. or swim. but maybe i dont want to do all this. maybe i just want to get 4A's. maybe i dont want to go wild wild wet any time soon. maybe i dont want to watch olynpics. maybe i should just stay home. but yea today with ili was crazy-funny that ended with "mox goimg from st pat". i think i miss huan ling. dont know where i'll stop, dont even know where i started. shouldnt have left home today.

apakah ini semua/ dari awal hingga akhirnya?

miscellany.and other schtuff.

schnational day
how many ways can you say Organised Exploitation of Visual Images and Literature for the Cultivation of Instant Patriotism? only one if you ask organisers of the NDP [or aNnual Drowse Party]. too many people celebrate thirty-nine years of social greenhousing and too little remember the fifty-ninth year since nuclear arms were unleashed on us.

school [say shkool]
same old. lost lit notes. resort to whimsy to keep afloat, like thus,



the mayday club sans jie ming, gek cher and hon lyn.

schistory
more than two weeks since xian liang passed away. what do you say in the memory of a former friend, when you have already been referring to him in the past tense even when he was around? something tells me that i don't want to just let him go. for lost youth, for a void in the future, there must be a lesson to be learnt from him, just so he lives on. i dreamt of him last night, spry and agile, so at ease with the physical world. except this time he took a life instead of losing his. now, i remember. the only time i knew him was on a bus back in sec 1 back in new zealand. for that one moment he unfolded himself, i saw him like an open book through that one sentence. but now his chapter is closed on us. then, i couldnt find the right words. and i still cant. maybe i owe it to him to say it out. just maybe.

schome
two things. one. very glad i painted the door red and the walls blue. especially after aziah and dharma's visit. behind a door painted a strong red i feel secure, against walls painted a reserved blue i feel protected. im already one step closer to moving away - very sure now that i can live alone. in fact, take my cousin out of the picture and i already do. two. waiting, waiting, for the whole weekend and theres no one here. also realise that water, music and the books from the kino splurge arent really a lot worse than the sun and water outside.