get fuzzy!

dharma muthu subramanian, i, ivan maulana request that you write me a letter now. ms subramanian, i must insist that you also send me my FRICKIN AMAZON STUFF YOU CRAZY BITCH. hahhahahahahahahahahhhh theem takkaka theem.

petulant

friday night and it feels like
tuesday at five.
'tis too warm and the a/c
blows cold,
the fan pounds head,
i-dont-know-what-else is
wrong.

in bed i lie staring as taxis
prowl the midnight streets
for people to whom
things come easily -
we drink and die;
we love and forget;
we laugh and cry.

i drink, i die, i laugh, i cry -
still on friday night i lie staring.
taxis prowl the midnight street.
a/c's too cold - fan pounds.
so 'tis back to the a/c
but something's still
tuesday at five.

three, four, five.
i lie,
taxis prowl,
people drink,
things come,
a/c freezes over
and i cry
but things should come more easily.

nd.

You are Trisha.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
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days without dharma.

miasma

i remember very clearly one [wednes?]day in 2003. 'twas a hot afternoon and i was all changed outside my J071 ready for a run when i saw a message had came in while i was in the spex gal toilet. D mentioned j. prufrock, something andy loh had showed us in prac crit class before. now i keep returning to j. prufrock every now and then, except it's not because D [inmate on pulau tekong now] mentions it but because of Circles.

really, it is impossible to say just what i mean! too much of the time. how do i tell a 21 year-old subordinate who gives waaay too much information to shut up because i dont think you know what you're talking about even though you have all of three years on me except nodding and sighing? how do i tell the PMT im staying up to do desk the whole night because i just feel like sitting here and watch you concentrating on left ventricles and wonder at your jawline as you're glancing sidewards at me except to grumble and slip away to sleep? how do i tell the guys that i am already really afraid that any one of us is going to leave because then a part of me will die except to flip the middle finger and walk away without turning back?

rachel wonders when i will learn golden reticence. but because i dont understand, dont know, or dont like what i want to say, it is as if i throw all my balls in the stand at one time hoping that at least one will hit a bottle.

now and tomorrow

the hot paramedic trainee. that sexy firefighter from the next rota. i cant seem to get to sleep! it's nice to imagine im different from all the hormonal ns guys but i must concede otherwise [well i am, kind of, but thats another story altogether]. theres just something about the coding, tck-tck-tck when a call comes in at the watch room, fire light coming on in the dorms, down the sliding pole, sirens, blinkers, street junctions, call texts, black telephone in the firepost. so i might screw up here and there now and then, so there's that slim chance of actually staring down death's throat. but, oh, i dont care really, this is all too great. this time, now, 18, life. who could sleep?

also, i feel really fat. haah never felt this normal, and it's giddy. greeaaatt!!