shine

the key to sanity, for kingston, was the ability to shine light into the dark corners where ghosts and uncertainty lurked. this involved making your mind "big", to accomodate all the contradictions and (previously) impossibilities.

top off my mind, E, as is so common everytime i get fixated and obsessed. so i have in my memory, like some sort of mental masturbation, the day we spent in cairnhill, the telephone call, the sentry conversation and now the lunch we had. with promises of wont you book out on weekends and this wont be the last time you see me, what and tennis and simpsons and saw2, the coming months now have a lining of hope despite the whole boc stint. but there is more that is possible, beyond what i used to be able to see. all i have to do now is not ruin everything like i am prone to.

back to the Lunch with E, where he mentions that i grew up on the beach because his family used to be "homeless". i choke on my honeydew sago and adjust myself, and my sentence breaks because i have never known a "homeless". but prior to central, i have neither ever known an ex-druggie, a chain smoker nor an ex-convict. i think to myself that all these people, arent all these people just like ming jing except in a different context? had they had half the opportunities ming jing does, would they not be accomplished and set for life? to become such an outstanding Man Friday with so much circumstances - that too is worthy of recognition.

and then a ghost from my past, D. now 19 (as compared to my tender 17), i think that i might just have idolised D too much. past the regret and longing and oh, what if, D is a lot more mortal than the romanticised version of my dogma.

shine,
i'll stand by you.
dont try and push me away
because i'm just gonna stay.
you can shine, i wont deny you,
and dont be afraid, it'll all be okay.

when it's said and done,
what you need will come,
and time wont let me
let you let me waste it this time .