want [two]

how is it possible that after having to save yourself i expect you to save me? only by means no less than superhuman mental strength. this is the condition of my need, and i am sorry for it. i need you to be a man more than you may have ever been because i sometimes find myself inadequate, a knight without armour. it somehow feels like i am expendable from all of this; you are giving life to everything and there prolly isnt anything that you would need from me. i need you so much more than you ever could me, i think. you deserve a lot better and i can no longer impose myself on you

it is starting again and maybe this time - and maybe we both know it - nothing can be done about it. it's different now. i cant blame the a's this time and past the a's, it can only be my fault. im afraid of saying this but i cant ask for your help anymore, because i take up too much time and space and it wouldnt be fair to you to keep giving and receive nothing. thanks for and sorry that.