wanderlust

so much for being nude in stanzas. the past year or so was more or less filled with deceit and lies and buried words and regrets. now it's about wanderlust, it lies in the roads and rails, life. standing at nineteen, almost twenty, almost a man, forever a boy, right now it's damn near from where i began, but the world seems to have been done twice over. so i'd like to know where the road goes from here, does it go right around the world, where i vomit at the end of it? or does the end lie in goa? right now the road is the destination and adventure the finale. when there's more things than one can take in, who really has the time for the hearts of men?

next week, bangkok, where i think i might find harith my dear blood. i leave on tiger airways from SIN to BKK, just like he did. maybe at the end of it i might pluck up enough courage to call and say i dont care for anything, just happy birthday. because past the lies and manipulations, it was soul to soul, less the hassle of romance and lust and infatuation.

india too, with the holiday boys. because with us four it's wild, unadulterated, reckless, death-defying. nothing makes life more alive than a good week with them. also a good orientation, for when i return, emancipated as a traveller, to take on India.

australia, on my own. most prolly i'll redeem my free ticket for after ord so i can return when i'm well and truly done with the continent. earlier tonight i found myself outside rizal's window after closing at 130. it was all i could do not to knock on his windows - his lights were on but the blinds were drawn. and from my bike the distance seemed simply too far to bridge. perhaps this is what it needs, a little more distance, a bit of a sea between us, so i can really say i hope you didnt mean what you say about god and you and i.

mecca, to find my father, and to know him for what he stands for and why. and to tell him that i am his son and he my father, that i am him, no matter what i might be.

this is the beginning of the road, Major Tom who lost contact with ground control just as he was stepping out of the capsule. Laika who astounded the world. in the day now there's management-me, and in the night i wait tables. weekends is for tuition. every month brings a bit less than 2000. well, the flesh is able but is the spirit willing? further details on how i do to follow.