so much for

so much for being well adjusted - never before have i been this afraid. i am drowning in a puddle, and my heart is the colour of the sea. i am afraid of the things i cannot do, i wish these things pile so high they fall off my mind. i am afraid of the things i want to but do not say, i wish words would say themselves so i wouldnt have to. i am afraid of my preferences, i wish there was no need to be somebody then i wouldnt have to choose. i am afraid of time, i wish i will never find out what i grow up to be. there was a time when i could do everything, but no more, not anymore. i am a knight without his armour. so yes, i am afraid i do not know what i am about going to do about the common tests, i have had enough of my awkward people at home, they are not the fucking angels they think they are, i want the things i am not allowed to have, i am afraid i might grow up to be a paedophile. a box is probably a good place for me now

music in my head :: 100 years :: five for fighting

there is something exciting about leaving everything behind.
there is something deep and pulling,
leaving everything behind;
something about having everything
you think you’ll ever need
sitting in the seat next to you

and I watch another white dash fly beside us
and I watch another white dash fly beneath us
away away.

got a heart full of rubberbands
that keep getting caught on things.