when there's nothing in the present that i dont want to scream at, and when my motto says not to scream, i start looking for times when i wanted to shut up for the rest of eternity. the playground where Lips and i used to hang out, where we scratched our names on the yellow plastic tictactoe board. we'd go on all the rides at the theme park, but when it came to the viking, we'd grab each other and scream the hell out, before finding a quiet corner to nurse our tummies. those illicit times together, when we thought we could hide from god. lips fingers eyelashes and the way Lips walked. raihan thought i was childish to remember all this. i prolly am, but it was such a sight. those moments when your heart would well up, stretching like a balloon, you'd feel your heart taking over even your toenails; your heart would feel like exploding, you'd want to swallow all the beauty into your heart. and all those moments and all these moments. its a slippery slope. its very tempting to walk over to the playground and see if our names are still together. i tried calling Lips' old number two weeks ago. but i should stop all this, holy month holy me. i already feel silly for the motto

susie: didnt you hear the bell? recess is over. its time to go in.
calvin: i'm not done yet. it takes me more than one recess to wear myself into a state of submission

music in my head :: brimful of asha :: cornershop