over and above anything in my memory of the past, is everything i've known with my skin. it is not a matter of choice but a matter of being. i wish i were apologetic, but for nothing in this world would i trade any of my mistakes. because man is of the earth, and love is of the man, wherefore the unspeakableness of the visceral? i havent bothered to count the days, and won't, but i think i've been clean for two months. but what for? health and fitness and intellect are for the day; what then is reserved as the exclusive right of the night?

sex is never the right thing to do and drugs are wrong. with the threat of hellfire in the afterworld, i should be eating my tofu. never should have convinced myself that i knew what i wanted.

And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy dark eye glances. Edgar Allan Poe