see how i've grown!

its 430 am and i've stumbled upon the most well kept secret in the world [or at least i think it is]. and all i can think of is this time last year when i found the same secret but only now its so different with expectations of you and hopes from you and hoping to see an i and all that happened between us last year which wasnt anything much [to say the least] but still and still ah..so,well,congratulations on being such a well kept secret.was it a game of catch me if you can? love me if you dare? was it a game? were you playing at all? i dont know and i probably wont [at least not in the near future] and oh its you its you i cant believe its you. i thought you'd die and would never come back but not all beautiful things die. not until they bloom and flower and with all promise of bearing fruit the next day die the night before.you're the most beautiful thing i've seen and will be.your shots your shots that i will keep forever and the fake unnatural smile and just you in all your forbidden beauty and i want to scream to the world LOOK AT THAT! I LOVE THAT! but no.and this love shall be kept.you kept your promises, idle in a closet.and the presents i buy for you that i'll keep until i can let you know that i've found you.and those days those nights when we talked and these days these nights when we both need someone to talk to but dont ever think of each other.did i mention that i love you? you and i both wanted the world. we loved our dreams and we knew they'd happen. for a while since you vanished i thought they wouldnt but i look at you now and i know that when all this shit is over whats left is a big flat runway for me to take off on but oh i want so much to fly away with you.nothing else does.i'd cry at your feet the next time i see you.take me take me take me.im a blistering fool for ever not letting you know the things i do.and strangers strangers that meet me. that i meet and none of them will ever do it for me.a high isnt without you.and all those times i promise them a great time hot sex im your gigolo boy wet dream come true.and i know that the only person i want to take me home is you.so excuse me while i whore myself to men and women i've never met.you taught me to.i think i've grown like you.it'd break your heart if you saw me now.but its not your fault.thats a lie, it is. but i dont want you to be guilty or angry or blame yourself that i turned out this way.you've seen everything and i know all it takes for me to be seeing everything is you.two self-destructive people must never be right for each other.but does it matter?not to me.this path to the painfullest of unknowns could be rode together.but we dont.dont ask me why.oh save me god because if you dont, i cant and he wont.

we could we could
in all manner of dreams
dance on the rings of saturn
just you and me.

i'm on a high, on a high
there's nothing more to it
we are the sea and the sky
and the blue that runs through it

and there are some who say there are so many things i need
so i run or i fight and i crawl or i scream and i bleed

well, it's a Lie it's a Lie - don't you believe it.
if you're fine then you're fine - it's all how you see it.
there never will be no conspiracy of happiness

i'm on a high on a high
there's nothing more to it
i have the sun, it's a star
why should i refuse it

and there are so many reasons i could give you why i should be down
there's not enough money or time and my love you're not around

you're alive you're alive - how else could you hear me?
you are fine, you are fine - there's nothing worth fearing
there never will be no conspiracy of happiness

it's a Lie, it's a Lie don't you believe it
because i've tried and i've tried, can't really see it
i'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
said i was yours, you were mine didn't really mean it
and i lied and i lied
wish you hadn't seen it
now i'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness
music in my head :: on a high :: duncan sheik