brown

in a minute there is time/ for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse

there really isnt any difference between feeling everything and feeling nothing; to want everything is to want nothing, really, and dont all colours mix into brown anyhow? red and blue and yellow and green and white - dont they all mix to brown? at the end of my tether, on feverish afternoons, during this headache that addles me everyday, is that not what i am? - brown, everything, nothing. functioning on painkillers, going on temporary highs, bursts of red and flashes of green and blue and yellow, is that not what i become anyway? - brown.

and now i'm sleepy, because i think - i dont know why - that the meaning of it all is to sleep